My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
