I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
