im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
