he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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