Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
