My balls are so social today.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
