Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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