I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
