So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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