Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
