DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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