You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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