after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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