forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
