I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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