I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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