Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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