Do you still have your period?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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