I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
