on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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