It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
