This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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