I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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