What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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