dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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