If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
