Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
