thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
