If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
