is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
