is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
