It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
