this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
