two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
