pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
