i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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