you traded sex for a burrito?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
