get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
