Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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