So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
