First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
