Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
