are you still at the devil's house?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
