didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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