I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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