My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
