If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
