she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
