u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
