I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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