I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
