The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
