That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
